WIthout you life wouldn't be the same

As of December 16, 2012, Chris and I are back together. This came as a shock. I never thought I would be with the father of my child again. Kaden and I are so very happy we will have his daddy back in our lives. Its important to me that our family is together. But it is a wonderful surprise and pretty much the best Christmas present in the world.

December 7, Chris told me how he felt, as I previously wrote in here. Then he agreed he would come to our Christmas party here at the house. That was on December 16, at that time we spent a lot of time talking and then Chris told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He did ask me. That made me beyond happy. We talked a lot about why he did what he did. But honestly if you look at our futures now, us breaking up at the time was for the best and has benefited us so much. We have so many people who are willing to help us with our lives. Without our relationship ending at the point it did we wouldn't have any of this. Sadly crap happens a lot before things get better. But I am so very thankful things are better. December 26, I got to spend time with Chris's family again that meant the world to me. I love them to pieces. I cant wait for the new beginnings in our lives. :) I love my family.

I wonder if Ill ever know the answer

Around a week ago, I got an unexpected email from Chris, he asked if we could work on trying to make things work and get back together. The moment I read that text I began to cry, never in a million years did I expect that.. I NEVER thought we would get back together.

Now, we aren't officially yet, but we talk so much. And I love that. I get to see him tomorrow. These have been my dreams for Kaden. I want the best for my son. I know that I never saw it coming but knowing that Chris still feels like we could make it work changed my life. I love him and I love our son.

The Best Feeling

On September 30 I saw my baby boy kick threw my shirt. I was at church when this happened. This was the best experience of my life. That moment I feel so deeply in love. When I first saw him on the ultrasound, I was in love. When I first heard his tiny little heartbeat, I feel even more in love. When I saw you again on the ultrasound and learned you were a boy, I cried so much, and feel even more in love. Then a week ago when I saw you kick me threw my stomach I feel even more in love. To make me so deeply in love with my son. I can't wait to meet him because I love him so much. Knowing that I am going to be a mother is seriously the best feeling I have ever felt. I want to share it with everyone.

January 29th

Why it seems that no matter what you have planned nothing really goes as planned. The guy I love so much is no longer with me, but we will always have a lasting impact on eachothers lives. I'm pregnant, 23 weeks pregnant. We were together up until the end of July.

I truly love him more than this world. Still to this day I am in love with him. It sucks that we broke up July 27, 2012. We found out I was pregnant on May 20th. I want things to be perfect for my son. In September we learned that he would be a boy. Its shocks me to see that things did not turn out how we planned.

Kaden Michael Allen is due January 29, 2013. This is the first time I have wrote his name like that. For I dont really know whos last name he is going to get but I like the way that sounds. You know I have never been so in love.

I do

Every one has those dreams that they want to come true. Ever girl has those wishes to get married someday and find the perfect husband in their eyes. I have finally found that perfect person that I will marry. I am very happy to have found him, well I am so young. Today marriages are taken so lightly, a lot of things today are taken lightly.

I do not plan to take things lightly. I do not believe Chris will either. We both really love eachother and want our marriage to last forever. I know that if we work on it forever and everyday for the rest of our lives, we will not be like everyone else. :) Hes perfect and I know he loves me for who I am. And I love him for who he is.

(Hopefully) This summer I will marry my best friend, my soul mate, my everything, and I am happy. It will be an amazing moment. The best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him very much. <3

Finally.

I can finally say I know I am in love. He is the one. I wouldn’t doubt it at all. I’ve never been with someone so willing to love me. Someone who agreed with me on everything. Or even to have such a wonderful family. Whose life is real.  i I spent some amazing time with him this weekend. I’ve never been so happy in my life.

To feel this way with someone is amazing because of everything I have gone through. I was afraid of love. But not if I get to spend forever with him. When I lay there with him, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. His beautiful eyes, and smile lock me in. I’m glad I picked to be with him. I know that nothing can change this. The way he treats people, he is so amazing.

I don’t think he understands how much he truly means to me. I’m not sure how one can fall in love so fast. But I know with all my heart its love and its possible to fall in love at first sight. I am able to lay here and replay the past week and two days I have been your girlfriend. And the days before that when we talked about life, and how my heart would flutter. Gosh I love you.

People tell me I need to take it slow to be sure he's the one. But I know that we will never separate. Falling in love is such an easy thing to do. Be sure that you love someone before you make a choice you will regret. And I won’t because I do love him. He's finally the one.

Forever Yours?

We talk about everything, you tell me you love me. And I love you too. But what if this isn’t what you want? Could I seriously forever be with you? I want to find the guy I can never leave, the one who will always stick by my side. I hope you are the one.

As a girl Im not sure Ill ever know what I truly want in a guy. I could of married the past three guys I’ve had some type of romantic feelings for. I could find the good in marry them all. And now I could definitely marry you. I want to marry you. I want to have children. I want to settle down. I think. Sometimes I say I don’t but I do.

I hope that I can count on you to always be with me. That you really do love me and will never leave me. That you will never cheat. I love you.

Too soon?

On January 6, 2012, I decided to finally tell him yes. He had been telling me how much he wanted to be with me already. Talking to him made me see I could be happy with him. I just had a few things going on in my life that made me wonder if I should be in a relationship with him. Things that were not to be taken lightly. But regardless I decided to say yes.

We talked instantly about the fact that because he is 24 almost 25 he really wants to be a father soon. I told him I wasnt looking to have kids till I was about that age. This was true, but because of recent events I just want to be a mom now. I love children. He told me that in about two years he could see us married with a kid or two. I want this so bad. And I want to marry him now. Is this all too soon?

I love him and hope that I will make the right choice.


UPDATE make sure you know the guy. He was fake! Happy with my boyfriend Now though. :)

I love everyone in my life.

Pain.

Its amazing how fast a women can fall in love. Its amazing what her body tells her. Its amazing what her heart can want. A women can be so blinded by love. I know that I can fall for a guy quickly and I instantly want to give him everything he wants. I want him to feel loved by me, and I want to feel loved by him. But God wants more.

My heart this very moment is confused. I wonder will I ever love someone like Gerhardt, and then I remember things about him. But I fall so fast for guy, but I haven't got to have that feeling he gave me. I want that in someone. I thought maybe just maybe I could find that in you.

But I think I was wrong. I started to fall for you like the second week of us talking. Yea, its crazy. Then it took months for you to even confess an attraction. I don't think that confession could of came at a worse time. A women has emotions that  can control her entire life. I know I still have feelings for you. But I can't just help but think that you wouldn't stay with me through the tough times.

I can fall in love with anything in a matter of time. Which has brought us this very problem we face to this day. I fell in love with what God gave us. Though we probably didn't get to keep what we were given. It questioned us, it made us wonder if there could ever be an us. Knowing that we believe so differently on this, I don't think it can. And I want it to. We believe very differently, even though you are extremely educated. And everything you told me made sense, and seemed so true. But I'm letting this love take control.

It hurts to know that one simple moment can change the world. And cause so much pain to an individual. I know that the moment you typed the words 'I can't'. I've been wondering how much more pain my life will have in store. But I know God has me safe in his arms.