You were the only one.

Its weird to look back and see. I have only loved once. But to wonder how I loved? What did I find to love him? I only want to find love one more time. I don't want to give my heart out. If I do. I only end up hurt. I know that I love people. But Im scared of loving others. Especially males. But Im always pouring out my heart and loving. Why was it I could love you? Interesting enough my thoughts about love probably come from your love. And once I fall in love again will I still love you?

Never Will I.

I wonder sometimes how many girls out there don't think they will ever marry. I know I'm one of them. Why do we feel this way? Girls seriously lack self esteem. Seriously. Almost every single one of my friends will marry. Or at least find some way of happiness. So why do we always say "I'm never going to get married?" I don't understand but yet I do it. Ill inform when I know the answer to this silly but popular question.

Friends

I'm thankful to be able to spend time getting to know more people. I'd have to say I've made like four new friends this semester. Not that this has to do so much with being in love. But hey I love making friends.

Conversate..

I thought you would be different then others. But I don't really think you are. I think you act so immature its crazy. I don't want a relationship with you. I don't. If you could understand that. I know that this is because of your immaturity. I thought you would care. But any who. Let me tell you I don't want you. I'm in the process of trying to find another person. I know that God will give me the guy. If we would of talked about this we would know all of this. And I would know how you felt. Learn to communicate.

First love.

We met probably about seven years ago. In middle school. We had some pretty amazing times together. Let me tell you that. I know you will never read this. And actually no one will. We dated on and off for four years. You were my only real boyfriend ever. I know how much you ment to me. I wanted to be yours forever. We planned on marrying July 17, 2010. I couldn't wait for this date. I was ready, I thought. I wanted you, I wanted to be forever held in your arms. I couldn't ever imagine a life with out you.

Well, I guess I would eventually be able to see one. Being cheated on sucks. I know you know this. I did the same to you when we were first starting out our relationship, that was one of the first big mistakes I made. When you cheated I was so devastated I didn't know what to do. I was so upset. I wanted to cry. I did cry. But things got easier eventually.

We lost contact of each other. I learned to pretend you didn't exist. But I knew you did, pretending you did not exist was easier than admitting how I felt.  I missed you. I wanted you. I loved you. I still feel many of these.

You recently told me the same. I think about this sometimes, I have reasons to believe this Love will never leave. I did research if you truly loved someone and they leave your life, this love will never go away. Its true love. They are your first love. You were that very thing my First love.

The first love always has a hold of your heart. Sometimes they get back together but its not all of the time. I know that we are very different. I don't think I could be with you. I know there are things you are not that I need in a guy. But only the future and God know if were going to feel this way forever and if we will ever be together again. Or if we shall fall in love again and marry that person.

I love you too?

Hearing from your ex fiance, brings many memories.  I wondered why? We haven't talked in almost two whole years. Then he tells me he still cares. I try not to think about it because I knew how I felt. I know that I'm always going to care somehow. I don't know if I want too. Now that so much has happened, his fiance now told him she was going to end things. Then he wanted to leave his pain and now hes in the hospital, Im really hurting, and I don't think anyone knows how I feel. But quick note. I love Eric too. I dont know what I will do. Help.