Pain.

Its amazing how fast a women can fall in love. Its amazing what her body tells her. Its amazing what her heart can want. A women can be so blinded by love. I know that I can fall for a guy quickly and I instantly want to give him everything he wants. I want him to feel loved by me, and I want to feel loved by him. But God wants more.

My heart this very moment is confused. I wonder will I ever love someone like Gerhardt, and then I remember things about him. But I fall so fast for guy, but I haven't got to have that feeling he gave me. I want that in someone. I thought maybe just maybe I could find that in you.

But I think I was wrong. I started to fall for you like the second week of us talking. Yea, its crazy. Then it took months for you to even confess an attraction. I don't think that confession could of came at a worse time. A women has emotions that  can control her entire life. I know I still have feelings for you. But I can't just help but think that you wouldn't stay with me through the tough times.

I can fall in love with anything in a matter of time. Which has brought us this very problem we face to this day. I fell in love with what God gave us. Though we probably didn't get to keep what we were given. It questioned us, it made us wonder if there could ever be an us. Knowing that we believe so differently on this, I don't think it can. And I want it to. We believe very differently, even though you are extremely educated. And everything you told me made sense, and seemed so true. But I'm letting this love take control.

It hurts to know that one simple moment can change the world. And cause so much pain to an individual. I know that the moment you typed the words 'I can't'. I've been wondering how much more pain my life will have in store. But I know God has me safe in his arms.